Monday, February 23, 2004

Flummoxed

Well, it seems everything's kind of been turned on its head, somehow. Family's never really been a big deal to me--we went on vacations a few times a year and they were the people that I lived with. Our family was never close, it seems, and my relationship with my brother was particularly nonexistent (no wonder, after I picked on him until he was too tall for me to get away with it anymore). Until a year ago, we never even talked, at least never more than a sentence or two. But everything's different now, he's having problems now, and I hate feeling at a loss about how to help, and I'm so surprised that I care when I never did before.

The strangest part about our recent conversations have been when I've discovered how alike we are. I'd never have guessed he was feeling some of the same doubts I did (they aren't the kind that I find to be widespread, like self-image and all that). Like apathy that's overrun your life, or a lack of creativity, or feeling like you just can't cut it in the world you want to be in... or did want to be in. It's rare that such things hit so close to home.

Anyway, it's been a rough day, because I talked to my brother this morning and learned that he's thinking about withdrawing from school this semester. I know it would be the best thing for him, but I wonder what he'll do instead... travel? get a job? play lots of golf? Would living at home really serve him better?

So much to think about. Add to that today's discovery that my car is totaled, which is no small thing... that was my car! My car that drove me all over LA and towed all my crap to Chicago! My car that's seen four different stereos because they kept getting stolen! My first car! My car that I, like, just washed a couple days before Valentine's day!

Thank God I live in Chicago. Everyday I'm at least happy that I'm here. And that losing a car doesn't mean the end of your social life (in fact, one benefit is that I'm now forced to shop at Whole Foods because it's only a block away...that place is f*cking expensive, though).

And it's time for school to be over. Spring break can't come soon enough. Mmmm, pina colada oblivion.

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