Lessons I've learned this week

Monday: DJ's who've deafened themselves + bar + Monday night = really shitty Monday night bar scene; not redeemed by seeing cute guys, because you can't talk to them. Looking forward to baseball/football season to save us, or at least put those a**hole DJ's out of business.

Tuesday: I suck at ice skating. Peaches don't get as bruised as I do. Also, the people who work at State Farm Insurance are dumber than a bag of hammers (apparently people call in claims, like, never).

Wednesday: Good things can happen on the El! A ticket with $2 was just sticking out of a machine, so I got a free ride; that ride showed up a couple minutes later, because I would've missed the train had it been on time; said ride was very short thanks to the genius of those people at Apple who put games on my iPod.

Thursday: Whatever I did today, none of it made the least impression on my brain.

Friday: Wow, I cannot handle allnighters anymore, particularly without the aid of my good friend Red Bull. However, it turns out you can get away with anything (like sleeping through an important group meeting) as long as you're sufficiently apologetic after the fact.

Saturday: I can cook! Holy sh*t! (Entire worldview suddenly changed; wonder if I must now reevaluate anything else, like my fictional work ethic.)

Also, here are a couple of funny links: ESPN's Page 2 shameless promotion of the new show "Dream Job" has some hilarious results (now that's good advertising); also more from McSweeney's: Confessions of a New Coffee Drinker.