Monday, November 08, 2004

A how-to book

Apparently some crucial part of my life's education has been left out, and so every so often I need to consult a friend (one who did not miss this course) on what to do. Tonight was one such time, and I told her she needs to write a book for poor lost souls such as myself. Based on her experiences, she could write chapters on the following:

How to Say No to a First Date (imply you have a serious boyfriend, with imply being the operative word, as opposed to the always convincing "um, I have a boyfriend.")

How to ID a Guy When You Have to Meet Him Somewhere But Don't Remember What He Looks Like (make him pick you up)

How to Avoid Breaking Up With a Guy Until He Thinks It's His Idea (not sure if this is always the best way to end it, but worth considering if you're going away for a summer)

How to See a Guy That You Like Again (leave, uh, certain articles of clothing on his floor... preferably nonessential things)

my favorite:
How to Get Your Roommate to Have Quiet Sex (offer a few leftover condoms you have, since you're obviously not having as much sex as they are)
...and if that fails, this note was suggested:

Dear Sir,
Management requests that you not allow XX to make too much noise.
P.S. Yes, her name is XX. Have fun!

Update: Upon further consultation, have determined that she should also include basic principles, such as "It's not mean if it's funny."

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