Monday, March 01, 2004

Fever Pitch

What is it about sitting in the cafe on the corner on a rainy day while being simultaneously wired on said cafe's chai tea lattes and light-headed from a mild fever that makes me want to a. write ridiculously long sentences and b. write lots of them? It could be that I am willing to do anything to keep from starting on the mountain of homework I have to do (which is notorious for not doing anything except moving the mountain into unfavorable lighting that makes it look even bigger). It could be all of the above factors are mixing together to put me in some sort of absurdly good mood (there is no reason whatsoever for me to have even a mildly positive outlook at this point) and I want to share it, or at least capture it so I can come back to it and remember that even when life truly sucks, I'm not smart enough to realize it.

So what is the current state of affairs? Let's start with the good news: I will eventually get my car back so that life can continue on as it did before. I have a leg up on preparing and completing school assignments because I'm lazy/relaxed/overly confident and/or have low standards/expectations/opinions of the merit of said assignments. I think that's about it. On the bad side: I'm broke and have limited means of rectifying that situation because I have next to no time to tutor people, which is not aided by the fact that I am currently pretty sick and have had to cancel appointments. Being sick has led to an overall limited ability to do anything. Well, I can still talk, and rather enjoy doing so. But it has to be talk that accomplishes little more than filling dead air (case in point), and so it isn't necessarily a productive skill that can be harnessed to help me complete the myriad tasks that I am required to. There's other bad stuff too, but seriously, why focus on the negative?

I actually have a pretty good attitude towards most of the bad stuff named above... if you really want to get me worked up, ask me about group projects. I'd really rather not think about that right now because I have enough frustration on my plate at the moment.

I wish I were the creative writing type right now, because it must be such a wonderful outlet for emotion. As it is, I can only read the words of others for that same kind of release. The sad thing is, I know I used to have it in me, but I feel like it's died... do you think creativity ever really goes away? Can it be relearned? Or is it gone forever? I hate the idea, but I think it's that last one, simply because a function of growing up seems to be losing part of what defined your childhood. There is now entirely too much order in my life; I make a good editor because I know the rules of grammar, but I'm a poor writer because I can only think within those parameters and have little content that I'm confident in. Hence the infrequent posts here. To me, a high degree of creative output is what marks a truly intelligent person, simply because constantly talking, writing, whatever signals an active mind, and it's the people who do things that are interesting. I aspire to be one of those people, but am afraid I'm already behind due to my television. It's the easy way out. What would I do with myself if I didn't watch TV? I might try that experiment for a week to see what happens... I wonder if a sense of personal achievement would outweigh no longer being included in the pop culture talks that bind us all.

I think that may be enough for now, I should really get to work on the various analyses required for my statistics homework assignment. Ciao!

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